bellyitcher

Seems like pretty much everyone's gotten to Jupiter. You can see pictures here, here (but as of this writing, it's empty), and on the PD site, and video here (this takes forever to load) and here.

John Mabry is becoming quite the Oquendo. How soon before he's pitching again?

And, Mark, honey, if you want to be a blonde, be a blonde. Right now, you've got a highlights mullet; blond on the top, brown in the back. I know you're coming to the Midwest, but this is overkill.

The rest of the players get in tomorrow and things will start to get really interesting.

It's finally here. Pitchers and Catchers report to camp today. Of course, many were there already, but that's not important this morning.

Also not important today: Jose Canseco. BALCO. Those things can be important again tomorrow.

Mulder threw for Duncan a few days ago. Lincoln, coming off Tommy John, is throwing off the mound. Izzy is, too. Apparently, everyone's great (or has excessive facial hair). And that's exactly what we want to hear. Today, everyone is ready to go. All of the off-season angst melts away. Today, I don't miss TSSWMNBN one single bit-Eckstein is going to be fantastic. Today, I can't wait to see what Mike Myers can do for the team. Right now, I firmly believe Yadi will start in the All-Star game and Larry Walker will play 140 games. Today, I can't wait to see John Kruk on Baseball Tonight. I don't care about the Ex-Cub Factor today.

Tomorrow we can wonder if Jason's hip and Matty's shoulder are repaired, if Carpenter's nerve thing is gone, if Mulder can live up to expectations, if Rick has his head on straight. We can worry later about Pujols' foot. Next week, we can fret over the bench.

No matter what some stupid rodent in Pennsylvania says, spring starts now.

I can almost smell the grass. No, wait...that's my neighbor.

This sounds somehow familiar...but also shows why I do not write for Sports Illustrated.

Wow, um, I can't add. Let's try Mulder again:

ON FIELD

1. Defense
   i. Hustle (5) Even in a sucky year, career highs in assists and double plays. 9 points.
   ii. Agility (7) He's very tall and doesn't have to go very far. 13 points.
   iii. Catcher? (5/0) No. 0 points.
   iv. Awareness (4) It's not like he's a rookie. 7 points.
   v. Defensive Stance (6) Have you seen the A's commercial from last year? 12 points.
   vi. Pitching Face (5/0) He looks worried, but not unpleasant. 5 points.
   
2. Offense
   i. Hustle (5) 5 points.
   ii. Batting Stance/Face (6) 6 points.
   iii. Power & Average (6) 6 points.
   iv. Line Drive v. Fly Ball (3) 3 points.
   v. Chatty (3) 3 points.
   vi. Selflessness (7) 7 points.
   
3. Dugout/Clubhouse
   i. Press Conferences (4) The conference call was good. 8 points.
   ii. Quotes (4) He's not hurt. He promises. Mark is pretty candid. 7 points.
   iii. Chatty (4) He says he's not really. 4 points.
   iv. Fights (3) Mark could step on you. 4 points.
   

OFF FIELD

1. Personal Hygiene (8) I swear, the Cardinals must have a Director of Finding Pitchers With Highlights. Why Mark, why? 15 points.
   
2. Commercials - local (4) Yeeeaaah. 8 points.
   
3. Commercials – national (5) No. 0 points.
4. Commercials - MLB (5) No. 0 points.
5. Dress (5) I haven't seen anything bad. 9 points.
   
6. Rumors (3) Nah. 3 points.
   
7. Awards (3) Cy Young runner-up. 3 points.

Mulder actually has the same 137 as Carp.

The ace of 2004, Carp swears he's ready to go.

ON FIELD

1. Defense
   i. Hustle (5) Four double plays. 9 points.
   ii. Agility (7) Yeah. 12 points.
   iii. Catcher? (5/0) No. 0 points.
   iv. Awareness (4) He didn't allow a single stolen base. 8 points.
   v. Defensive Stance (6) Lovely. 12 points.
   vi. Pitching Face (5/0) Chris just puffs out his cheeks. 5 points.
   
2. Offense
   i. Hustle (5) When he's on base. 8 points.
   ii. Batting Stance/Face (6) He doesn't stand there, straight as a board, like some pitchers. 9 points.
   iii. Power & Average (6) 2004 was Chris' first full season hitting. 4 points.
   iv. Line Drive v. Fly Ball (3) Not quite. 3 points.
   v. Chatty (3) I don't think so. 3 points.
   vi. Selflessness (7) Good enough. 11 points.
   
3. Dugout/Clubhouse
   i. Press Conferences (4) I can't remember any. 4 points.
   ii. Quotes (4) Nothing earth-shattering. 6 points.
   iii. Chatty (4) Uh huh. 7 points.
   iv. Fights (3) Not especially, but Carpenter did speak with Sosa when Zambrano had his meltdown. 5 points.
   

OFF FIELD

1. Personal Hygiene (8) Carpenter's hair is a little too short. 15 points.
   
2. Commercials - local (4) No. 0 points.
   
3. Commercials – national (5) No. 0 points.
4. Commercials - MLB (5) No. 0 points.
5. Dress (5) It's good. 9 points.
   
6. Rumors (3) Nope. 3 points.
   
7. Awards (3) Comeback Player of the Year. 4 points.

So a very very nice 137 points. After another year hitting, that number will go up.

Marquis was so happy to have a regular starting gig; he often talked about "looking over his shoulder" in Atlanta. Here's his Watchability.

ON FIELD

1. Defense
   i. Hustle (5) He jumps in synch with other fielders. 8 points.
   ii. Agility (7) Marquis gets so keyed up, he'll go for anything. 10 points.
   iii. Catcher? (5/0) No. 0 points.
   iv. Awareness (4) Jason needs to listen to other people more. 4 points.
   v. Defensive Stance (6) Uh, good. 10 points.
   vi. Pitching Face (5/0) He looks angry. 4 points.
   
2. Offense
   i. Hustle (5) He's got some doubles. 8 points.
   ii. Batting Stance/Face (6) Decent. 9 points.
   iii. Power & Average (6) Quite fine. 10 points.
   iv. Line Drive v. Fly Ball (3) I have no problems with his hitting. 5 points.
   v. Chatty (3) I don't think so. 3 points.
   vi. Selflessness (7) Not a lot of sacs, but he hits well enough he doesn't need them. 11 points.
   
3. Dugout/Clubhouse
   i. Press Conferences (4) You know where he's from. 6 points.
   ii. Quotes (4) Not original, but delivered well. 6 points.
   iii. Chatty (4) Not really. 4 points.
   iv. Fights (3) I'm scared Jason's going to go at it with Duncan at some point. 3 points.
   

OFF FIELD

1. Personal Hygiene (8) I don't think he'll fall into the trap of Redbird pitchers: highlights. 15 points.
   
2. Commercials - local (4) No. 0 points.
   
3. Commercials – national (5) No. 0 points.
4. Commercials - MLB (5) No. 0 points.
5. Dress (5) Difficult to say. He's no Suppan, though. 7 points.
   
6. Rumors (3) Nope. 3 points.
   
7. Awards (3) None. 0 points.

Jason ends up with 125 points. He needs to calm down, but 2004 was his first full season as a starter.

I guess Jeff Suppan is the number four.

ON FIELD

1. Defense
   i. Hustle (5) Oddly, he and Morris had the same number of SB/CS (11/3) last year. 7 points.
   ii. Agility (7) He's a good fielder. 12 points.
   iii. Catcher? (5/0) No. 0 points.
   iv. Awareness (4) He can usually get a ground ball when needed. 7 points.
   v. Defensive Stance (6) Definitely above average. 10 points.
   vi. Pitching Face (5/0) He mostly just looks likes he holding his breath. 5 points.
   
2. Offense
   i. Hustle (5) Should one horrendous baserunning blunder follow a man forever? I'm tempted to say yes. But won't. 7 points.
   ii. Batting Stance/Face (6) Slightly better than Morris. 7 points.
   iii. Power & Average (6) Poor guy only had four hits last year. He's been good in the past, however. 9 points.
   iv. Line Drive v. Fly Ball (3) Oh, not really. 3 points.
   v. Chatty (3) Not especially. 3 points.
   vi. Selflessness (7) Suicide squeeze! 14 points.
   
3. Dugout/Clubhouse
   i. Press Conferences (4) Aside from the predictability, good. 6 points.
   ii. Quotes (4) He's going to make his pitches. Blah. 4 points.
   iii. Chatty (4) He's not very animated, but he is chatty. 8 points.
   iv. Fights (3) I don't think he'd be averse to hitting someone with a pitch. 5 points.
   

OFF FIELD

1. Personal Hygiene (8) Niiiice. 16 points.
   
2. Commercials - local (4) No. 0 points.
   
3. Commercials – national (5) No. 0 points.
4. Commercials - MLB (5) No. 0 points.
5. Dress (5) He dresses so well, it's almost metro. 10 points.
   
6. Rumors (3) Nope. 3 points.
   
7. Awards (3) None. 0 points.
   

Suppan ends up with 136 points. Now, a lot of this comes from his nice grooming and the clothes I bet his wife buys, but perhaps he can give Matt something to aspire to.