Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Open Letters to St. Louis Cardinals
Way back when the season was young, the leaves were green, and the humidity in St. Louis was still gathering strength I wrote to the Cardinals. Alex's post reminded me of those letters, and I think it's time they heard from me again.
Dear Abe,
Don't be nervous. We don't expect you to hit a home run off Roger Clemens (though we'd take it). Just be your normal steady self in the field and everything will be fine.
Dear Larry,
Please, for the love of God, watch out for the walls. I know you'll be ready to play, but if you feel the need to take one for the team, try to get hit in the butt.
Dear Bullpen,
Hi guys! 'Sup? Got all those kinks worked out now? Sure, we all miss Al, but ya gotta move on. Marquis' with you now and he's gonna be great out of the pen. Speaking of which, Jason this is NOT a demotion. We need your A+ sinker in the 7th or 8th. Embrace the role. Julian, please keep it together. Izzy, forget that they're the Astros. If you need hypnosis, I'm sure someone will oblige. King, I'm very sorry for your loss, but it's game time, buddy. Brad, please stop with the home runs.
Dear David and Mark G.,
Love the double plays. Keep doing that. David, a squeeze and a home run? Yes, please! I'd like to see a couple walks, Mark G., but doubles into the gaps are great, too.
Dear Yadi,
You're so adorable. I know you've got a cannon, but I'd hate to see a wild pick off, so don't be reckless. Also, please don't stay up watching your brothers.
Dear Jimmy,
You must watch out for walls, as well. I know you haven't had the type of season you wanted, but you can take care of that now.
Dear Starters,
You know what you need to do. You know you can do it. Don't get fancy. Don't get cute. Don't think too much. Chris, you'll be fine. Mark M., I hope you're arm is as healed as they say. Matt, remember what you did Saturday? More of that. Jeff, what's the word of the day?
Dear Bench,
Keep on keepin' on.
Dear Albert,
You are Albert Pujols. You can do just about anything. But lay off the junk low and away (unless it's one of those that you hit out of the park one-handed, those are OK).
Dear Whole Team,
Kill the Astros. Thanks.
Love,
bellyscratcher
Dear Abe,
Don't be nervous. We don't expect you to hit a home run off Roger Clemens (though we'd take it). Just be your normal steady self in the field and everything will be fine.
Dear Larry,
Please, for the love of God, watch out for the walls. I know you'll be ready to play, but if you feel the need to take one for the team, try to get hit in the butt.
Dear Bullpen,
Hi guys! 'Sup? Got all those kinks worked out now? Sure, we all miss Al, but ya gotta move on. Marquis' with you now and he's gonna be great out of the pen. Speaking of which, Jason this is NOT a demotion. We need your A+ sinker in the 7th or 8th. Embrace the role. Julian, please keep it together. Izzy, forget that they're the Astros. If you need hypnosis, I'm sure someone will oblige. King, I'm very sorry for your loss, but it's game time, buddy. Brad, please stop with the home runs.
Dear David and Mark G.,
Love the double plays. Keep doing that. David, a squeeze and a home run? Yes, please! I'd like to see a couple walks, Mark G., but doubles into the gaps are great, too.
Dear Yadi,
You're so adorable. I know you've got a cannon, but I'd hate to see a wild pick off, so don't be reckless. Also, please don't stay up watching your brothers.
Dear Jimmy,
You must watch out for walls, as well. I know you haven't had the type of season you wanted, but you can take care of that now.
Dear Starters,
You know what you need to do. You know you can do it. Don't get fancy. Don't get cute. Don't think too much. Chris, you'll be fine. Mark M., I hope you're arm is as healed as they say. Matt, remember what you did Saturday? More of that. Jeff, what's the word of the day?
Dear Bench,
Keep on keepin' on.
Dear Albert,
You are Albert Pujols. You can do just about anything. But lay off the junk low and away (unless it's one of those that you hit out of the park one-handed, those are OK).
Dear Whole Team,
Kill the Astros. Thanks.
Love,
bellyscratcher
