bellyitcher

Dear Mark M.,

Hi there! What's up (besides your pitches and ERA, ha ha)? Seriously, though, here's the thing. Every time you do something like this, all the questions about last year pop up again. We already went through a season with a Good MM/Bad MM. Please don't make me ask you to grow a beard.

Dear Larry,

I find your accent amusing. Not amusing is your current slump. I know you're just as upset as the rest of us. And that just about every part of your body is hurting. You're a big boy, if you need time off, tell Tony. Or perhaps what you need is more regular at-bats. Whatever it is, I hope you get fixed soon, eh.

Dear Roger,

Um...yeah. Thanks for distracting Clemens from first base last October.

Dear Yadier,

How on earth did you get a triple? Also, will you finish what you started with Manny? Cause that would be cool. I love when you pick people off, but I think we need to work on the backhanded stabbing-it makes me nervous.

Dear Brad,

Don't worry about that last game; you're still awesome. I think maybe you just need more than one day's rest still. I just realized you were an infant the last time your team won the World Series. That's scary.

Dear Other New Guys,

So far, you've been a very pleasant surprise. Mark G., I'm voting for you. David, I know you've had more errors than you're used to, but you're on a ground ball staff now, don't let those mistakes get to you. Abe, you've done a great job filling in for Rolen at third. Scott S., I want you to stay up-can you play outfield?

Dear Scott R.,

Get well soon.

Dear Whole Team,

Kill the Red Sox. Thanks.

Love,

bellyscratcher