bellyitcher

Part I

'Twas the night before Christmas, and at the new park
I could only get non-tenders, it was quite dark,
The stockings were hung on the debris with care,
Even St. Nicholas couldn't cure the despair.

The owners were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of dollar signs danced in their heads,
And Luhnow with his spreadsheets, and I with my spite,
Were just resting our brains from a long winter's fight...

When out on the rebar there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
Away to the "field" I flew like a flash,
Thinking all the while, "Is Looper a big splash?"

The moon glistening off the new brick facade
Made me glad the answer would not be J-Rod,
When, from a trailer the head foreman came out,
"I know that you know some fans are starting to shout."

His gravelly voice sounded familiar somehow,
As I tried to place it I furrowed my brow.
Said he, "Too bad you had to show Grudz the door,
But every fan knows you've put together the core:

"There's Scotty, Chris, Brad, Yadi, Albert and Izzy,
Edmonds and Mulder and, um, I guess Larry Bigbie?
See, now, it's not so bad. Yes, there's work to be done,
But I've never known you to lose in the long run."

How did he know me, this man in the hard hat?
Standing there, telling me to find one more bat,
Sure, I'd abandoned my original plan,
But I knew as he spoke he was no mere fan.

And then, in a twinkling, I saw what this meant.
As I started to ask just why he was sent,
He shook his head slowly and looked me up and down,
His gaze told me I would not get run out of town.

He named the free agents and potential trade bait,
And he even knew the relievers' going rate.
I wanted to know what he thought of the moves,
And what he'd reccommend we do to improve.

I had to get back, can't leave Mozeliak alone,
He might set up an academy all on his own.
I asked if he'd come back to the office with me,
"Only if you'll tell me you who'll get for Marquis."

I laughed and said, "For you, I'll do anything,
And I'll even tell you how we got rid of King."
With spryness I missed, he leapt over the rubble,
I added, "Is Ponson going to be trouble?"

Back in the office he saw what we were thinking,
"Don't listen to Bernie, the ship's not sinking.
You have the Most Valuable Player and Cy Young,
It's coming together, the bell hasn't rung."

"There aren't many options, we'll have to get by,
I'll make my big move at the end of July."
"Don't worry," he said, "You'll get the team on track."
I rose, shook his hand, and said, "Thank you, Jack."

He walked to the door and looked back with a grin,
That clearly told me now was the time to begin.
And I heard him exclaim, ere he went out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"