bellyitcher

Doing a two-fer tonight, cause I don't want to drag out the rotation any longer and I'm not doing this on a Friday night. First up, Matty.

ONFIELD

1. Defense
   i. Hustle (10) Meh. 6 points.
   ii. Agility (14) Decent. 9 points.
   iii. Catcher (5/0) N/A. 0 points.
   iv. Awareness (8) He has committed only 10 errors ever, and five of those were in his rookie year. 8 points.
   v. Defensive Stance (8) Morris hunches his shoulders; it's weird. 5 points.
   vi. Pitching Face/Post-strike out (5/0) He does get a little excited after a strike out, even ones in unimportant situations. 5 points.
2. Offense
   i. Hustle (10) He often looks like he's lumbering down to first. 7 points.
   ii. Batting Stance/Face (12) Not as bad as it could be, I guess. 8 points.
   iii. Power & Average (12) No XBH and only five singles. 8 points.
   iv. Pitcher's bunting ability (5) More sacs than hits. 5 points.
   v. Selflessness (14) Doesn't really have much of a choice. 11 points.
   
3. Dugout/Clubhouse
   i. Press Conferences/Interviews (8) He sounds much more cerebral than you'd expect. 7 points.
   ii. Quotes (8) "Bud does make you wiser." 7 points.
   iii. Chatty (8) Sure. 6 points.
   iv. Fights (6) Matt's never had a problem standing up for the boys. 6 points.

OFF FIELD

1. Personal Hygiene (16) I liked the original incarnation of The Beard. The trimmed version, not so much. 13 points.
   
2. Commercials (local) (8) None. 0 points.
   
3. Commercials (national) (10) None. 0 points.
   
4. Commercials (MLB) (10) None. 0 points.
   
5. Dress (10) Good enough. 6 points.
   
6. Rumors (6) He likes Phish, draw your own conclusions. 5 points.
   
7. Awards (6) Two-time All-Star. 3 points.

125 points. I will miss Matt, but only in that "He's been a Cardinal his whole career" way. It's time for him to move on. Here's Jason:

ONFIELD

1. Defense
   i. Hustle (10) Quick off the mound. 8 points.
   ii. Agility (14) I don't recall any really spectacular plays. 9 points.
   iii. Catcher (5/0) N/A. 0 points.
   iv. Awareness (8) As long as he's not brooding about something else. 5 points.
   v. Defensive Stance (8) When he lands he looks like a bulldog. 6 points.
   vi. Pitching Face/Post-strike out (5/0) He looks mad when pitching, but takes the Ks in stride. 5 points.
2. Offense
   i. Hustle (10) He had a triple! 10 points.
   ii. Batting Stance/Face (12) Not the prettiest swing in the world, but it works. 10 points.
   iii. Power & Average (12) Yeah, duh. 12 points.
   iv. Pitcher's bunting ability (5) He can, but why bother? 3 points.
   v. Selflessness (14) Will sacrifice when asked, but I think he really likes to hit. 9 points.
   
3. Dugout/Clubhouse
   i. Press Conferences/Interviews (8) Good, when he's not all pissy. 7 points.
   ii. Quotes (8) In print, you lose the hilarity of the accent. 5 points.
   iii. Chatty (8) If he isn't moping. 6 points.
   iv. Fights (6) Again, bulldog. 5 points.

OFF FIELD

1. Personal Hygiene (16) No embarrassing facial hair. 14 points.
   
2. Commercials (local) (8) None. 0 points.
   
3. Commercials (national) (10) None. 0 points.
   
4. Commercials (MLB) (10) None. 0 points.
   
5. Dress (10) Better than I thought. 7 points.
   
6. Rumors (6) Bulldog=bullheaded. 4 points.
   
7. Awards (6) Silver Slugger. 2 points.

127 points for Marquis, mainly since he can hit. Because Lord knows he had some issues with the pitching this year. If he could put it all together, he'd be great. But if Leo and Dunc can't fix him, well...I'll enjoy our new outfielder.