bellyitcher

On to the pitchers, starting with Carpenter.

ONFIELD

1. Defense
   i. Hustle (10) Well, I wouldn't put him centerfield or anything, but pretty good. 8 points.
   ii. Agility (14) Not too bad. 12 points.
   iii. Catcher (5/0) N/A. 0 points.
   iv. Awareness (8) Only one stolen base allowed in two years. 8 points.
   v. Defensive Stance (8) Yeah. Nice. 8 points.
   vi. Pitching Face/Post-strike out (5/0) Every once in a very great while, Carpenter will pump his fist but usually just blows a bubble. 5 points.
2. Offense
   i. Hustle (10) When you're only on base ten times in 93 plate appearances and you get caught stealing one of those times, it's hard to demonstrate your hustle. 7 points.
   ii. Batting Stance/Face (12) Good for a pitcher. 9 points.
   iii. Power & Average (12) He did walk five times and had two doubles. 8 points.
   iv. Pitcher's bunting ability (5) See below. 4 points.
   v. Selflessness (14) Ten sacrifice hits. 14 points.
   
3. Dugout/Clubhouse
   i. Press Conferences/Interviews (8) By his own admission, terribly dull. 4 points.
   ii. Quotes (8) See above. 4 points.
   iii. Chatty (8) As long as he's not pitching. 6 points.
   iv. Fights (6) Dusty Baker should probably avoid Carpenter. 5 points.

OFF FIELD

1. Personal Hygiene (16) I've never been a fan of the soul patch, but otherwise, quite fine. 15 points.
   
2. Commercials (local) (8) No. 0 points.
   
3. Commercials (national) (10) No. 0 points.
   
4. Commercials (MLB) (10) No. 0 points.
   
5. Dress (10) Very nice. 9 points.
   
6. Rumors (6) Nope. 0 points.
   
7. Awards (6) Yep. 6 points.

132 points for Carpenter.