bellyitcher

Mmmm...our rotation. For the offensive categories, pitchers are rated against each other, not position players. I'm starting with the fifth slot, which will be split between Rick Ankiel and Matt Morris.

It's going to be hard to get an accurate reading for Rick since he's been...gone for a while.

ON FIELD

1. Defense
   i. Hustle (5) Start getting worried if he can't throw to first. 7 points.
   ii. Agility (7) In his first appearance in 2004, he jumped to bare-hand a line drive (luckily, he missed). 11 points.
   iii. Catcher? (5/0) No. 0 points.
   iv. Awareness (4) All I want him thinking about is pitching. 6 points.
   v. Defensive Stance (6) I like watching him pitch. 11 points.
   vi. Pitching Face (5/0) Mostly, he just swallows his lips. 5 points.
   
2. Offense
   i. Hustle (5) I'd almost rather not see pitchers running all out. 7 points.
   ii. Batting Stance/Face (6) I don't remember. 6 points.
   iii. Power & Average (6) Um. Well. He walked in half his plate appearances last year (2). Actually, he's pretty good. 10 points.
   iv. Line Drive v. Fly Ball (3) It's fine. 3 points.
   v. Chatty (3) No idea. 3 points.
   vi. Selflessness (7) I think he'll do whatever anyone wants as long as he gets to play. 12 points.
   
3. Dugout/Clubhouse
   i. Press Conferences (4) He doesn't want to talk about it. 6 points.
   ii. Quotes (4) He really doesn't wanna talk about it (and Jim Edmonds will beat you up if you ask). Otherwise, he's just glad to be pitching again. 4 points.
   iii. Chatty (4) He's all over the place. 8 points.
   iv. Fights (3) I wonder if any Cubbies will take offense if they're plunked? 3 points.
   

OFF FIELD

1. Personal Hygiene (8) No more highlights! 14 points.
   
2. Commercials - local (4) No. 0 points.
   
3. Commercials – national (5) No. 0 points.
   
4. Commercials - MLB (5) No. 0 points.
   
5. Dress (5) Much improved. 9 points.
   
6. Rumors (3) Well, he sorta had this thing where it kinda looked like he was a headcase. 5 points.
   
7. Awards (3) None. 0 points.
   

So Ricky gets 125.

ON FIELD

1. Defense
   i. Hustle (5) If his shoulder is fixed, nobody has to do much of anything. 7 points.
   ii. Agility (7) The word "lithe" doesn't spring to mind. 9 points.
   iii. Catcher? (5/0) No. 0 points.
   iv. Awareness (4) He better know by now. 8 points
   v. Defensive Stance (6) Eh. 8 points.
   vi. Pitching Face (5/0) Sometimes he looks like his face is melting a la the Nazi in Raiders of the Lost Ark. 3 points.
   
2. Offense
   i. Hustle (5) Good enough. 8 points.
   ii. Batting Stance/Face (6) Kinda boring, even for a pitcher. 5 points.
   iii. Power & Average (6) In the last four years, Morris has had 10, 12, 10, and 10 hits, scoring 5, 4, 5, and 4 runs. At least he is consistent. 9 points.
   iv. Line Drive v. Fly Ball (3) When he flies out, it's to right. That doesn't help if someone's on first. 4 points.
   v. Chatty (3) I got on base!! 3 points.
   vi. Selflessness (7) Matty had his first sac fly in 2004. 11 points.
   
3. Dugout/Clubhouse
   i. Press Conferences (4) Jokey and straightforward. 7 points.
   ii. Quotes (4) We know he doesn't like the Cubs. 8 points.
   iii. Chatty (4) Unless he totally sucked. 6 points.
   iv. Fights (3) It's harder to get tossed if you throw behind a batter. 6 points.
   

OFF FIELD

1. Personal Hygiene (8) I've never been a fan of the soul-patch. 11 points.
   
2. Commercials - local (4) No. 0 points.
   
3. Commercials – national (5) No. 0 points.
   
4. Commercials - MLB (5) No. 0 points.
   
5. Dress (5) Strikes me a t-shirt & jeans guy. 10 points.
   
6. Rumors (3) Not really. 3 points.
   
7. Awards (3) Nope. 0 points.
   

127 points for Matty Mo.

Pitchers are hard to figure. They aren't going to go horizontal to snare a liner, they aren't chasing down fly balls. I suppose I could make a new category for types of pitches thrown, break of curve ball, movement on pitches, but I'm not good at recognizing that stuff on TV.